Hard Goodbyes!

So the two weeks for my brother has come and gone so fast! It seems he just got here. I only got to hang out with him twice really but we had some good times. He leaves at 6AM tomorrow. I wanted to go see him tonight but then again I didn’t. I wanted to talk to him on the phone but I didn’t. I suck at goodbyes. I don’t handle them well so I try to avoid it most of the times. I know that’s not the best way to do things but it’s the only way I deal with things sometimes and that’s to avoid it all together. I’m gonna miss him lots! Can’t wait till October for him to be home for good.

Love you Michael! Gonna miss you lots! See you in October!

Pictures out with my brother!

April 26th

Happy B-day APRILFOOLNYC! Hope you had a wonderful birthday!

I’ve been MIA so I have lots to write but I’m too tired. Long week to only run into a long weekend. GEEZ! I need a break and I don’t mean a Kit Kat Bar either.

Goodnight!

The Right Now Plan

We spend so much time trying to make a plan for our lives. The thing about plans is that they don’t take in account of the unexpected. The plan you never saw coming. So when thrown a curve ball in life we try to do the best we can with what we are given. Some of us just have to move on and make the best of it. Some of us are better at it then others. And sometimes what we want is exactly what we need which is a Plan B. This is what I need to work on. Today I have decided to go with the “Right Now Plan.” Whatever that might be. I am going to try and let go what I can’t change and what I can’t have. I’ve realized this is the only thing I can do to move on. To let go. To get “me” back. I want the old me back. The me that didn’t give a damn. The me that didn’t NEED to have someone there to hold and to hold me. The me that just did her thing and went with it. Today is the beginning of finding that old me. I am letting go what I can’t change. I’m not saying I won’t have my ups and downs. I’m not saying that I won’t shed another tear for him. I’m just going to accept the fact that we will only be friends from this point forward. I just really wished that he would realize that every time he calls me or emails me that he loves me and he misses me, makes it that much harder for me to move on. I really hope that maybe if he truely does love me that he will stop doing this and allow me to let him go. Allow me to stop being so crazy headed. Allow me to not cry everyday. Allow be to say Good bye! This would just allow me to truely be there for him as a friend and a friend only if he only allows me the time that it takes to do so. Right now we can’t even talk on the phone long because I really don’t have much to say and he probably doesn’t really want to share with me what he did or who he did it with the night before or who he might have talked to. These things I don’t care to hear about at this point.

He did call me the other day and told me that he is getting deployed to Irag. This scares me for him. I saw this coming but I guess I was hoping that it really wouldn’t happen. I just wished this whole war thing would just end and go away, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. I will just pray and keep him and the rest of them in my thoughts and prayers. That’s the best I can do for him and be there as a friend.